Today, in the Pie City Courthouse, Judge Bob surprises everyone by ordering pizza in the middle of a trial. Bob said that he needed extra strength that only pizza could give to get through this tough trial.
“We didn’t know what to think at first,” said one of the jurors, “we had smelled cheese. Then a delivery guy just walked into the court!” When asked where it was ordered from, the juror, who has asked to remain anonymous, replied that it was most likely from Domino’s, as that is the judge’s favorite pizza place.
When we interviewed the defendant, the well known Matilda Hoggard, she questioned the Judge’s choice of pizza-serving establishment, saying, “I was fine with the judge ordering pizza, but Dominoes? Pizza Bolis is better!”
The pizza in question is reported to have been pepperoni with extra onions.

It started with only one cat. A few weeks ago, local resident Mr. Hank Foot began putting out a bowl of milk each night for his favorite stray cat, Sue. Or at least, that’s what Mr. Foot believes that the cat would be called, if the cat could choose her own name. Sue has markings around her eyes that make her look like a glasses-wearing cat. “A smart cat. She’s probably smarter than my landlord, who forbids pets, and would evict me for owning even a frog,” Mr. Foot says. During this short time, the number of cats outside Mr. Foot’s door increased with each passing evening. Tonight, we received reports from neighbors that there were over fifty cats on Mr. Foot’s property, all waiting to be fed. “I’m gonna need some more milk,” Mr. Foot mumbled. He swears Sue responded demandingly, “Just no more skim, okay?”

Municipal, CA — It began two weeks ago with a bread starter Kristy Beckens ordered from the natural-baking web site Stone and Hearth. “I never thought it would grow that fast,” Beckens said. “The directions said feed it with flour and water and then keep it in the fridge. They never said it would take over.” A week later, Beckens entered her kitchen to find the refrigerator door pushed open and the starter pooling over the floor. Over the next 48 hours the starter grew exponentially, devouring Beckens’ home and those of neighbors. While the fire department awaited outside reinforcements, the starter continued on its path of destruction. All that is left now of Municipal is dabs of dough and a strong yeasty fragrance in the air. Authorities hope to contain the starter before it wreaks further havoc on nearby towns.

Local resident, Alphonso Trombone, is the winner of the San Fransicso Chronicle’s tri-annual What’s-My-Cheese? contest. Trombone blind taste-tested over fifty different locally produced cheeses, correctly identifying thirty-four, nearly twice as many as second place contestant Sam Porkchop. This is Trombone’s sixth win in the past three years. When asked which cheese was his favorite, Trombone unhesitatingly named both Stinking Bishop and Blue Rathgore as his “go-to’s,” and the Tasmania Highland Chevre Log as “acceptable.”
Trombone’s first-place prize is a $25 gift certificate to Safeway. When asked whether he’d spend the money on cheese, Trombone responded, “What? No, I’ll probably spend it on those little martini olives and those, whatdya call them, those frozen fish strips.”
Congratulations again, Alphonso!