Though my left hand consists of a hook,
I assure you, it does help me cook.
While you scramble your eggs with a whisk.
I simply rotate my watch wrist.

New Tech: Out with the Ode

I used to have a grappling hook
It was so very large
I had to hire a new sidekick
And fire poor old Marge.
Then yesterday Tom Cruise dropped by
With a fancy pair of gloves,
“They’ll help you climb tall buildings
Up to 30 stories high!”
So Marge is back with a designer sack
In which she totes the gloves–
And the grappling hook? It’s goose is cooked.
Marge re-purposed it just a tiny bit:
A macrame hanging bird feeder!

For my Pookie

I see you there, dear Hooky,
With your glistening looky.

You get me into any cranny (OR nooky),
To battle dirty bookies.

You’re more scrumptious than a cookie,
More loyal than a wookie.

With me since I was a rookie,
I love you, dear Hooky.

My Heart on a Hook

Oh, Daniel Craig, you secret agent of love;
Throwing that grappling arrow from your heart
To mine. Hooking me, line and sinker.

Bag of Tricks

Harry sets the backpack on the table, sits down, and pushes it toward Draven.
“What’s this?” she asks.
“Your bag of tricks. Every D.I. gets one,” he says.
Draven unzips a sleek black backpack that has more pockets than a pair of camo pants. Harry names the contents as she pulls them out one by one.
“Minox Digital Spy Camera.”
“Micro Video Cam.”
“Orbitor Listening Device.”
“Night Vision Goggles.”
“Rearview Sunglasses with an aluminum case.”
“Audio/visual pen.”
Draven can feel her excitement rising to the surface. It’s like my birthday. No, no, better than my birthday. It’s like Christmas! She pulls out a black belt and gives Harry a questioning look.
“A belt. Well, this will sure come in handy when my jeans are falling down around ankles,” she quips.
“It’s handy for sure. It’s our version of the grappling hook,” Harry says.
Draven’s eyebrows shoot up. “And who, exactly, will I be grappling?”
Harry smirks. “Not who, more like what. It conceals a piton hidden behind the buckle. It can fire out up to 75 feet of high tensile wire designed to support the weight of an average person. Good to have for a quick getaway. Up a wall. Or maybe to the next building over,” he shrugs. “You never know.”
“How very James Bond-ish.”
Draven starts putting the gadgets away, feeling a slow smile spread across her face. It feels like it’s stretching to her ears. One blue eye and one green eye sparkle with barely contained glee as she she pushes her glasses up with one finger.
“The bag of tricks rocks,” she says.
Harry grins and stands up, holding out his hand. “Welcome to the Youth Informant Division.”
Draven laughs as she stands up as well, reaching out to shake his hand.

You remember that one time, grappling hook?

O, grappling hook,
I like you more than I like to cook
(which is because I can’t,
but that is a separate musical rant).
I like you, in spite of that one time–
It was a building I was trying to climb,
And you, instead, aimed at a passerby,
Right in the eye.
–That wasn’t cool, grappling hook.
I pretended not to look
(which was probably not very nice, I’m not good at social interactions.
I am also terrible with fractions.
That’s why I have a liberal arts degree.
That’s also why I work for free.
That is, I don’t have a job.
Right, back to the song.)
And before long,
He hit me over the head with a book.
Because I suppose a book is not as much use to a guy with a grappling hook
Stuck in his eye.
So now I don’t have a grappling hook anymore.
And my head is bandaged and sore.
So…Thanks a lot.
I guess I forgot
That you’re kind of a jerk.

I Choose the Latter

If you encouraged me to grapple
With my mortal fate,
I would say, “Maybe tone it down;
We are on a first date.”

If you encouraged me to grapple
With Andre the Giant,
I would say, “I respect your request
But choose non-compliance.”

If you encouraged me to grapple
In pursuit of a fleeing crook,
I would say, “That’s more like it.
Please pass me the hooks!”

The View From Here

Don’t like the look of that cinderblock. If it ends like this, it’ll be messy. Freefall, rapid deceleration, and splat. But know I don’t blame you, my steely, barbed friend. If it ends like this, the last thing I’ll do is thank you for the view.

O Grappling Hook

Scaling the side
of this many storied building,
loud and clamorous Gotham below,
night sky, lit by the heavens above,

I sing praise to thee.

O grappling hook,
among the myriad
tools upon my utility belt,

I see none fairer than thee.

O grappling hook,
while these arms and legs are wearied,
no matter what this night has dealt,

I see none more stolid than thee.

O grappling hook.
O grappling hook.

I sing praise to thee.

Ode To A Grappling Hook (sort of)

O where do the words go
when the words go away?
I grapple with this every day.
How to find that perfect hook
that get’s the reader into the book?
Where’s that elusive line sublime?
My very own, the line that’s mine?
That loops its fingers round the hook,
And draws them in for a deeper look?
With rhythm, rhyme and word I dabble,
Never ceasing with line and hook to grapple.

Soul Mate

An urgent mind living 5 minutes in the future calls up something dark. Purse straps and coattails and hair writhe and encircle and catch on and hand brakes and door knobs and epaulets. Oh, grappling hook, you’re the only one who catches me when I want to be caught.

We Shall Never Part

I celebrate my hook, and sing praises to my hook,
And what I presume of my hook you, too, shall presume,
That every bit of melted metal in my three tiered hook belongs to you.

As Whitman said so many years ago,
“I invite my soul—“
To observe the glimmer of each tip and how it grips,
To dream starry-eyed in the gleam of this hook.
Oh! How to each rooftop, it took.

Scars in mortar and brick, my precious hook has left.
All day and night, I sit and sharpen
These tines, thy arms so deft.

My hook and I shall never part.

Sonnet 826

My hook’s claws are nothing like the cat.
A ring has far less tarnish than her prongs.
If swords be sharp, why then her tines be flat.
If cable is best, her rope may not hold on.
I have seen guns, automatic and swift,
But no such launcher do I see on my hook.
Most modern gadgets would give me more lift
Than my rope that creaks – so down I don’t look.
I love the clunk as my hook hits the edge,
Though the gun’s swoosh is more reassuring.
I grant that the pros can hook to any ledge,
While I may need to take time measuring.
And yet I’d never use another hook
I never judge my tools on how they look.


We have many hooks
in this journey,
as digits come,
and go,
but you my grapple,
oh hook of hooks,
the scraper of
my brownie bowl of life,
are the envy
of all others.

Plant hangers
in your presence,
the sun
in your glint,
whales dream
of flukes
like yours.
Do you knit only tube socks?
Do you mock French curves?

oh hook of life,
my permanent
air quote,
the grap
in grapple,
without you,
life is hookless

to grapple with love

Your life and mine, they are intertwined
Employed in capacity, we launch with alacrity
With sly point of wit, we dig in and sit
Pressure bears down, our strength abounds
Together endure o’er failure demure
Friends. Companions. Symbionts


Agent Freeman was my best friend. He did not know this, of course, because he did not know I existed. When I first called about the two-bedroom grappling hook, the agent said it was a fixer-upper, had a lot of wear and tear. But I’ve made it my home and impatiently wait for the phone to ring and us to rush off. As he fights the evils of the world, I fly through the air in my fixed-up living room. Just an amoeba living the dream.

Ode to Savior!

O’ wondrous grappling hook that soars through the sky,
You also multi-task to poke out a villain’s eye.
Your Herculean valor amazes all who can see,
Even little old humble me.

Clinging to buildings without a care,
You’re more trusty than anything else I wear.
Glorious, death defying,
Even better than free wifiing!

Thanks for keeping my secret.

Grappling hook, you’re always there for me.

When we need to take a ship,
There you are, tearing through sails,
bashing the boat and holding on tight.

When I have something in my teeth,
There you are, tearing though that bit of fish,
pummeling that culprit and keeping my teeth lookin’ right.

But when I need to practice in the dead of night,
and no one else can see,
you move through the air like a whisper;
you latch on so silently.

Your rope is forgiving, but steady.
And I know that you won’t let me fall.
Just wait ’til I’m a champion tight rope walkin’ pirate;
you’ll be the most famous grapplin’ hook of them all.

Strict Definition of “Grappling Hook”

Grappling Hook. n. (/ˈgrapəl/ing /ho͝ok/). 1. A device with multiple hooks (claws), attached to a rope, which can be thrown, dropped, projected, or fastened directly by hand to where at least one hook may catch and hold. 2. Generally, grappling hooks are attached to a rope and used to swing between buildings in pursuit of baddies. Alternatively, a grappling hook can be used to reel in an object or a person that is in danger of falling from a building or sinking into water. 3. Without grappling hooks, saving the day would be (a) much harder and (b) less fun.

Online Grappling Hook

Ordered online.
Made sure grapple met hook,
From end to end
Saw no instruction book,
How do I work this thing?
Tried customer service
Who do I consult?
All I got was annoyance and that was my end result.

My Hook and My Redeemer

My hook and my redeemer
My robotic prehensile tail w/ rope
I can’t spend 26 minutes on without you
You can’t just battle evil barehanded
You need a claw to give you a lift
And grapple, grapple those crafty villains.


Grappling hook, you’re currently subject of a development patent,
Applied for by John G. Williams (Number GB2471340), your potential no longer just latent,
He’s made your parabolic curving flukes of non-metallic agents,
So you may be used for mooring boats as well as by special agents.